It’s only been since JJ’s autism diagnosis in July 2020 that I’ve ever really *consciously* considered his sensory differences and needs. How he has a unique profile, like all autistic people, and certain stimuli can have positive and negative effects on his brain and body.
Everything I did before diagnosis was sort of instinctive, and/or reactive based on his obvious likes and dislikes.
Beginning to use ear defenders in 2018 when he was 7 – a full two years before diagnosis – was life-changing for JJ.
Previously, public toilets were frightening because of hand-driers, walking in to new places was tricky because of possible unexpected sounds, and busy places in general had the potential to cause overwhelm very quickly.
It wasn’t just sensitivity to noise, I soon realised. It ran deeper than that. It was also a fear of the unexpected – of being ‘jump scared’ – which caused JJ intense anxiety.
And I don’t know for sure, but I think he likes the feeling of pressure on the sides of his head. I think it makes him feel safe.
I first considered ear defenders when JJ was 3 or 4 because of the public toilet issues, especially after having to leave JJ with strangers (safe strangers of the sweet old lady variety mostly) on couple of occasions as I was on my own with him, bursting for a wee and he just couldn’t come in with me.
But I assumed ear defenders were just for autistic children. And because of that JJ wasn’t *allowed* to wear them, as he wasn’t autistic. (Well he most definitely was, but we didn’t know that. Except I sort of did, deep down…anyway you get the idea!).
And people might think he was autistic if he wore them. Not that I’d worry about that, but I didn’t think he was entitled to use them somehow. Even typing that sentence now seems completely bananas.
I mean if something helps, it helps. I regularly use subtitles to watch tv as it means I don’t miss words etc. Ear defenders are just the same.
JJ always had a preference for peeing al fresco. Still does if I’m honest. Which is ok when you can explain it away as just a small child who couldn’t hold it, but more complicated as your child gets older and the judgemental eyes of strangers are upon you. Being able to use a public toilet is a necessity.
When he needed a number two…well it was beyond stressful. I remember multiple occasions when I announced loudly to all I earshot ‘Don’t be scared! I’m sure *nobody will use the hand drier* until we’ve left darling’. And from inside the cubicle I willed the people around me to just be happy to shake their hands dry, or grab some loo roll and be done. Mostly they did, but some people just didn’t get the hint..
For a long time, I carried around botty wipes and doggy bags as we often had to find a convenient wooded/bushy area, as public toilets were a total no-no. And this was, as you can imagine, pretty stressful for all.
Why did we wait until he was 7 before we tried ear defenders? JJ’s dad was concerned that he would become dependent on them, which at the time he assumed would be a bad thing.
Now that he can see how the ear defenders have enabled JJ to grow in confidence and enter new spaces with less fear, of course he regrets our decision too. And now that we know his autistic brain is processing information differently it all makes sense. But you can’t go back.
You make the best decisions you can with the information you have at the time.
Ear defenders helped JJ develop his first special interest of theme parks, giving him a sense of safety and security especially in the rollercoaster queue lines which are often dimly lit and themed in a sinister way to build anticipation.
I bloody love ear defenders and would definitely encourage any of you whose child or young person has any auditory sensitivities to give them a go.
I’ve tried them myself and I tell you what, they’re super-comforting and definitely make me feel calm and secure, and able to focus just on ONE thing rather than being distracted by every single noise in the vicinity.
A Boy Less Ordinary 