Picture Perfect?

I’m really aware that recently my Facebook stories have been filled with lots of pictures of us out of the house.  

After two years of being practically housebound due to JJ’s anxiety, this has been life-changing for our family and I really want to share this happiness.  

I want to give hope to other families of PDAers who are still trapped in the house, who kids have suffered such trauma at the hands of school and Covid that they only feel safe at home. Sometimes, that safety comes from only being in one room.  

I also want to share the pictures to show what our kids can overcome – when the time is right for them and when they have the confidence. When our kids have been trusted, given autonomy and respected for the choices they make, no matter how young they may be. No matter how NT families may see our parenting as completely untenable.  

JJ started leaving the house because we stopped pushing him. Stopped dropping hints, stopped guilt-tripping him, stopped getting upset with him, stopped trying to reverse-psychology him, stopped trying to bribe him. Just stopped. We went against every instinct instilled in us as so-called ‘functioning members of society’ and let a ten-year-old take the lead.  

We had wobbles, we went back on our pledges to ‘let him be’, we panicked. We’re only human. But ultimately we trusted him.  

And it wasn’t just that. In my research, my participation in PDA parent groups, and by reading adult autistic/PDAers, I learned to give my son this trust. A 

All these people, scattered all over the world, from different walks of live – sharing their personal stories – they all contributed to helping me help JJ. And so I thank them. I thank YOU.  

I share these days out through pure joy that JJ can once again begin to do the things he loves. I share them to say thank you for helping and supporting me.  

I’m also aware that Instagram stories can frighteningly curated and edited. We can choose the bits we want to show. For example I don’t show the fact that JJ won’t leave the house this week as he’s waiting for a delivery. He’s too anxious to go anywhere in case the courier arrives. But that’s also the truth of our life. 

Most respectful parent bloggers of young autistic/PDAers don’t show images of the awful days, the meltdowns, the fear, the aggression even. These moments happen, but they are intimate, private and they are not for public eyes and judgement.  

But they happen. So when you see me celebrating a day at a theme park, or doing climbing in the New Forest, swimming in the solent, or whatever it is that we are re-discovering this year – this is my curated life. These are the amazing moments that I want to share to give hope to others, and to show thanks to those who have offered invaluable advice to us.  

But PDA isn’t over, or gone away, or lying dormant. It’s there every day for JJ and for our family. There’s been a struggle for JJ behind every image; an obstacle to overcome, a fear to be conquered, a sensory issue to be managed.  

These pictures show that *sometimes* we can do it, together, but that we don’t take it for granted. We start each day afresh, cling to the wonderful moments, move on swiftly from the tough-times, and always – always – have hope that the next happy moment is just around the corner.  

Never think that I’ve ‘got it sorted’ or we’ve ‘nailed it’ as that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The truth is we ALL struggle at different times.  

As a good friend told me this week: ‘We’re all in the same boat, we’re just drowning at different times’. And as long as there are people in the boat who love us, accept and understand us, they can offer us a lifeline when we need it.