Image credit: http://www.sallycatpda.co.uk
I’m always trying to ‘climb inside’ JJ’s mind to try and better understand what he’s thinking, feeling, experiencing.
It’s not easy but I try my best.
Yesterday he had a moment where I could see so clearly the paralysis of not just PDA, but also other things that were at play.
I really wanted to do a deep dive into this, as rarely is it just a simple case of ‘can’t not won’t’ with JJ, there’s always a subtext of other issues and anxieties at play.
JJ was bored, very bored, and had been watching short videos on YouTube for a long time.
He told me he WANTED and NEEDED to move his body and get outside, and he told me this would definitely make him less bored.
But what came in to play what a real mix of factors:
He appeared to be suffering from executive dysfunction, common in ADHD individuals. He just couldn’t form a coherent plan in his mind of what he wanted to do. It was just out of his reach, and he couldn’t remain focussed enough to follow through.
He had been watching YouTube for so long, he was in a state of autistic inertia – he was unable to change the course of his current actions and felt stuck, even though he wanted to switch activities.
He also had some rational fears about going outside: Will it be too windy? Is there enough battery on his phone for the car journey? Will we be walking a lot which will make his feet hurt?
And then of course PDA – he had placed a demand on himself that he wanted to leave the house. And he knew how happy it would make me. So of course, this triggers the anxiety and a feeling of loss of autonomy.
So how did we navigate this situation?
I tried to help by offering suggestions, but quickly realised that I was overloading his already exhausting mind.
So I shut up. Always hard for me 
When he asked me for help, I offered to take responsibility for making the decision with him. I asked him to trust me.
We spoke about his brain as if it was two people: one of them wants to go outside, have fresh air and take Peanut for a walk. The other side is not cooperating and is scared, confused and mistrusting.
On *this occasion*, it seemed to help JJ to separate himself in this way, and gave him a small space in which to allow himself to get up, grab his crocs, and leave the house.
The absolutely brilliant infographic at the top of the blog from Sally Cat’s PDA Page wonderfully sums up some of the complexities of the neurodivergent brain, and definitely gives me pause for thought about how to approach JJ when he is struggling.
Here’s a link to Sally Cat’s original article about the different types of demand avoidance: http://www.sallycatpda.co.uk/2021/06/how-pda-avoidance-is-different-from.html
A Boy Less Ordinary 