Vulnerable

JJ got bullied at our local park last week.

We’ve been trying to encourage his newfound desire for independence, and so let him go ahead to the park on his own for a few mins.

By the time we got there, three boys were talking to him, and from JJ’s body language, and from the boys faces, I could tell he was upset.

I quietly asked him if he was ok, but he defensively told me he was fine.

Thinking they’d leave him alone now his parents were there, we played on the see-saw for a bit. But they just started taunting him, right in front of us.

They repeated his name over and over, told him he looked like a girl, and something else that I won’t repeat.

Then they came closer and tried to shake us off the see-saw, and JJ began frantically trying to bat them away with his hand. They found this funny.

At this point I told them to leave us alone. JJ’s dad was outside the gate with Peanut and so not aware what was happening. But, as I knew it would, I only made the situation worse.

We hurriedly left the park and haven’t been back since.

Before this incident, we’d been every day for almost a week. It was becoming a new routine, and we were enjoying ourselves there.

JJ’s dad actually recognised one of the boys as a year 7 pupil he occasionally teaches. I can’t believe kids as young as 11 can be so mean. But I’m just naive, I know that.

I’d like to end this post by saying that there will be reasons these kids behaved like that. Perhaps they have difficult home lives, perhaps they are emotionally neglected, or perhaps they’ve been bullied themselves.

But the truth is, I actually don’t care right now.

I’ve spent my whole life caring about strangers, caring about other people’s feelings, feeling emotionally responsible for complete strangers sometimes.

Always, *always* giving people the benefit of the doubt.

But right now *I don’t care* what their motivations were. I only have space in my head for JJ.

All I care about is the fact that this bit of fun they had, this chance to poke fun at someone who looks and acts differently to them, has resulted in some very real trauma for a JJ.

Yes, he may appear ‘eccentric’ in the way he talks, yes his hair is very long, yes he’s got a bigger tummy than lots of kids his age…but this doesn’t mean he should be walking around with a target on his back.

The ‘pack mentality’ that these young boys had was quite frightening. It represents safety for them in numbers. And yet it’s so unsafe for anyone who doesn’t conform to what they think is ’normal’.

When you think about what our kids have to go though in order to *simply leave the house*, the effort, the strength of character, the obstacles they have to overcome….

To have your little world turned upside down in ten minutes is heartbreaking.

Safe space – gone.

A friend of mine used the word ‘vulnerable’ about our kids. And she’s right. No matter how low their needs may appear on any given day, there will always be a vulnerability to our children and young people. It really hurts my heart.

Don’t worry about JJ, he WILL be fine. He’s got me and his dad, and his best friend F who he plays with online. Who, by the way, is also a target of bullying at his school.

We’ll all support JJ and get him over this hurdle, and he will get back to the park, at some point. I’m sure he will. But for now, baby steps again. And some difficult emotions to work through.